Hey you.
I am so pleased that we are thawing out. I have been cooped up inside and not very productive for a week now. We have had some brutal winter weather... which here in Colorado is typically mild with erratic storms. Not used to the long stretches.
With my husband and daughter home it is difficult to find time to escape and write~ or escape and think for that matter...
I have also been faced with the news of my fathers diagnosis/prognosis. This has been a low grade concern for years but actually has become very clear that the time left is brief. ( Less than 6 months brief.) I am accepting of this and had a long time to process... but nothing can actually prepare you for the REALITY that someone you love so much is dying.
The immense heaviness of it bears on all you do... whether you are aware of it or not. I am not fighting the facts or angry or demanding answers, but I am grieved... in a deep deep way. Grief is a very unique emotion because ~ I have found ~ it is wrapped in acceptance which in ITS OWN SWEET TIME can give way to peace.
In studying the biblical root word for Peace, I have found that the English language is so one dimensional...Peace like Love are flat little words in our language. In the Hebrew Peace ( Shalom) has multi-faceted meaning: Perfect. Whole. Complete. Lacking in NO good thing.
Now, as a parent I empathize so much with what my dad must be feeling. I will someday be faced with watching my daughter ~watch me leave this earth... and it would burden me so if she was striving and angry and broken. I would want her to have Peace. Perfection. Wholeness.
This is what I wish for her... so I can only imagine this is what will lighten my own fathers load as he walks toward the horizon of his life. My heart is to grieve my way to deep peace and live like he has tried to teach me all along... his theme to me has been " don't worry~ bout a thing... evry little thing is gonna be all right" ...
Come to think of it this is our heavenly Fathers message as well...
ALL is WELL.
and the precious Lord said... MY PEACE I leave to you.
I can through this time of change more deeply experience this truth. For that I am thankful.
Have a peaceful beautiful full weekend!
randomly came across your blog, I'm kathleen nice to meet you:) You have some great insight on grief. We lost my mother in law three years ago to ovarian cancer. It was a very tough loss and brutal loss, but when she was dying I kept hearing "It is well with my soul" over and over and over. We still grieve her loss (almost 4 years later), it hurts that she isn't here to share celebrate all the little milestones of life (she never met her grand daughter). BUT again I hear in my head, "when peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot thou hath taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul"
ReplyDeleteHaving witnessed my husbands passing I can tell you that you will discover stregnths deep within yourself that you didn't know existed. This strenghth will come from The Lord. You are giving your father a precious gift in sharing your peace ... understanding that his passing is his promotion to heaven. Keep your eye on the Lord and you will be just fine ~ even through the tough days.
ReplyDelete'hugs from afar'
I love you Melanie...My heart is hear to grieve with you.
ReplyDeletedear Melanie~ how beautiful you write. . . and how deeply you share your thoughts and feelings. I'm so moved in reading this. Thank you for sharing it. Even in this distance of time and circumstance, I reach out to hug and hold you close, and with you, grieve.
ReplyDeletemuch love,
lana