Sometimes Life presents information that is so true, painful, unsearchable that I am left... speechless.
In my mind I know that I will lose people I love. My heart sometimes is slower to process that reality. I submit that this is by design. I don't believe God intended us to bear that truth fully day after day... His plan is to meet you when and where you have to accept this fact.
I was listening to my dad last night. He has had cancer for 9 years. He has lived really well and mostly normal since his stage 4 diagnosis all those years ago. That in itself is extrordinary.
He has valiantly taken control of his health and body and tried every form of nutrition, healing and self care that made sense to him... and enlightened a lot of others a long the way...
He even became a wellness coach for others as a profession.
In the last 6 months a sudden series of health related events has brought in the beginning of a new season.
He was sharing his frustration with not feeling like he normally does. - He is very run down, very lethargic, subdued by a lot of pain meds, and really just glazed over. He can't walk without a cane, and he has other day to day liberties eluding him as well.
He is a vital- intentional- very health conscious, active man.
His favorite thing - I would say -is dancing into the night at concerts, weddings, parties... He loves to dance... I loved to dance with him... we did a lot!
He was expressing sadness at knowing the end is quite near and... secretly wishing it would just get it over with. Not really- but kind of.
He has always had a thoughtful, melancholy philosopherish attitude but I was hearing him last night really just query... and not exactly form questions. I was hearing him unlocking the truth that he may never get all his questions ( on this side) satisfied. My prayer for him is... to know that he knows that he knows that he is loved with an everlasting , sacrificial love, and that it is ok to not have the why questions answered.
He is the pinnacle of the sixties love child hippie through and through. He has questioned everything and -most of the time- I am glad he taught me this as well. I am sure that he has a seekers heart and has loved God every step of every day... He has loved others and been a voice for causes that are noble and needed.
I pray though- for childlike faith...acceptance and knowledge of the one love that defies death. I pray that like C.S.Lewis his inquisitiveness will introduce him to the fullness of Gods plan. That he can set aside the worlds misgivings of a broken and frankly weird church and accept the love that sets captives FREE.
The key to the restlessness... is true peace. To KNOW peace. The person.
8 months ago we were hiking up Red Rocks amphitheatre. He beat us all. He was jumping on his re bounder every morning, and swimming at the Y.
( He lives out of state)
He says now he sleeps a lot. He does not want to walk outside much and risk breaking a bone ( Omaha is slippery this year!) He takes pain meds... when before, a ibuprofen was very foreign.
Things change rapidly.
I pray each of you Love with abandon those who are RIGHT in front of you, and forgive or accept those who are not. Extend grace, receive it if need be. Don't miss an opportunity to connect in love with a family member or friend.
I am going to ask for your help.
I want to give him a list of questions to answer before he dies.
I have a lot in mind but I would like to have you forward this to friends and family and help me come up with questions a lot of them....that I can type up and ask him to answer ...( he will be a good sport... ) ones that after he is gone I might regret not asking...I start crying when I type them so I thought if you all forward them to me then I could copy and paste a list of the ones that I choose...
Like what is your fave color.
First girlfriends name?
What scares you?
Who was the love of your life?
What do you regret...
You get the point.
I think we all seek to be truly known...and I would love to bless him by trying to REALLY know his answers...
Please help me and forward to friends who will give some good questions... I get overwhelmed with emotion after I start so I could use the help.
Make sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him, and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you.
"The Problem of Pain."
Emmalynne.etsy.com_ photography credit.